WITHDRAWALS

Yes, I know. You've all had withdrawals from me and my blog. Sorry about that.

But this weekend I went through withdrawals.

The busy week at the office pre-event...a flight to a fun new city...a hotel bed all to myself...new, delicious, local restaurants...amazing women gathered for 2 days...being able to make an event a success and see the results of all the hard work...let me just show you a few of these things:


(Pics Top to Bottom: Dinner with TOFW team in Pittsburgh, Memphis event, Quick stop at Memphis temple after event with Laurel)

It wasn't until this weekend that I realized how much I missed it when I found myself looking at the clock every couple hours of thinking of what my co-workers were doing at that very minute in their event city...without me. It was almost like I was breaking myself of an addiction or something. And it kind of surprised me.
I mean, I DO have a new "job" filling my time, right? Why am I missing the old life so much?
Well, this new job...let me just share with you. It is 24 hrs a day/7 days a week. I stay busy all day, but often can't see a single thing I accomplished. The shower is the only time I get to be "alone". I'm lucky if I interact with an adult other than my hubby during the day. And if I do, it's usually another cute stay-at-home mom who i've decided really won't judge me if i'm in the same comfy clothes as the day before and my hair clearly hasn't been styled for days (and if they do judge...I don't really care). I make lists just to see if my brain can really think of all the things that should happen in a normal life again...just to put it under a pile of paperwork and not see it until the next week when I think of making another one. I sleep with one ear open at all times. Never turn all the lights off in the house at night since we'll be using them a few hours later, and can't remember the last time I completely got ready for the day.
It's just a little different than my previous job. Just a little.

Then I thought of a dear friend. Who just happens to be my favorite co-worker to travel with and also happens to be my boss. And I remembered her FB status this week from the beginning of the week, "8 hours later and i'm back at the office already?". And a blog post that voiced the desire this past week to have that honey at home to help with things us busy working girls need help with...like picking up the dry cleaning and registering our cars (LC: I hate to break it to you...but I STILL do this...wink, wink.)

And I remembered that I used to have those updates and journal entries. And I dreamt of a time I didn't have to go through that. And I dreamt of a time I could stay home and cuddle with my little one and have time to make dinner for my husband.

So why the withdrawals?

Well I let myself feel it this weekend. I cried and I cried. I let myself miss it. And then I took Emma out on a Saturday night date to feel a little bit of what my co-workers were getting to experience. But surprisingly, we only did it for about an hour, because then we missed being home.
We missed just cuddling.
We missed nursing.
We missed not being pressured into anything other than what baby and mommy needed.
We missed daddy.
And we realized we love this new life. We really do.

And we also realized that it is okay to love and miss the old life...as long as it wasn't keeping me from enjoying my TODAY. Just like my dear friend has clearly learned how to embrace TODAY even though she HOPES for the future.

So i'm keeping my deal with this friend from an earlier text exchange this week...if she will enjoy every minute of those amazing women in those cities and the fun adventures of traveling and working long hours...i'll enjoy every minute of the smell of a new baby and having her smile when she hears me come into the room.

Yep...THIS is what I get to look at 24/7 at my new "job". I know...I know...amazing.

ps. Please don't laugh when you scroll down and notice that my last post was EXACTLY one year ago...and I was committing to be a "blogger". I'm not promising anything this time...